[Sci Fi] Ad Astra

Buck Turgidson · Oct 2, 2019

B-Bob said: ↑

It was more entertaining than the movie, for me at least.
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Oh, I haven't even seen the movie yet.

Rox11 · Oct 3, 2019

@Nero xD LMAO
Thanks for that, that’s how I felt but was too lazy to explain. Great job!

bobrek · Oct 3, 2019

Nero said: ↑

My $.02

Terrible. I mean, absolutely terrible. Was Brad Pitt good? I guess, assuming the director told him to be lifeless and morose.

Was it the MOST terrible movie ever? No, but it was dreadful.

Now I know I am saying it was awful, but you may ask - Why?

Well, mainly because of the mindlessly arbitrary necessary things which had to exist in the movie for the movie to exist at all.

#1 - The government/military/Space Agency HAD to be sinister and evil. Had to be. Why? So the mission could be undertaken in complete secrecy. Why? No reason, just cuz. To avoid panic? The world was already panicked. But it HAD to be in complete secrecy, so that they couldn't just fly to the deep space ship base on the moon, no they had to DRIVE there, so they could be attacked in a set-piece by the only appearance of vague 'space pirates' or whatever. Was it cool? Yeah, I mean, as far as I know, it was the only known filmed combination car-chase/gun-fight on the surface of the moon, so, ok, that was cool. But pointless.

#2 - Speaking of the moon - they were walking around normally in the moon base, with what was clearly earth-normal gravity. Ummm. How? Same thing on Mars. Not the same gravity, guys. Ehhh, nobody notices such things anyway, look! It's Brad Pitt!

#3 - Same reason for the 'mandatory' stop at Baboon Death Station - Brad COULD have ordered the ship to keep on its way to mars, but he would have had to 'reveal his mission' to the Captain, and even though the fate of literally the entire solar system hinged on the success of his mission, he refused to reveal it, and instead decided to space walk to 'Get your face eaten off research station' . Why? I guess so we could see a brief interlude about the dangers of animal research? I dunno. Again, utterly pointless.

#4 - All of the relentlessly tiring 'psychological review' scenes. Why? Well, so we can see how sinister and intrusive the government is, I guess.

#5 - Mars base. Peopled by... space bohemians? Maybe? And the chick from Preacher was.. the boss of the place? And who also has a ridiculously coincidental tie to Brad. And who helps him... sneak aboard the deep DEEP space ship heading to Neptune.. by.. swimming? And why does he have to sneak aboard? Because the sinister/evil gubmint agency decided to remove him from the mission. Why? Because he ad-libbed in a shot-in-the-dark message across the solar system to his maybe-possibly-still-alive father who is maybe-possibly-responsible for the 'waves of anti matter' (whatever that science-fictiony term means) blasting the earth? Ok...

#6 - So, Brad *sneaks aboard* the super duper top secrety secret deep deep space rocket mission to Neptune to nuke his father. And everyone else aboard the ship basically immediately kills themselves in an insane orgy of violence intended to be dealt upon Brad, but instead they just sort of Keystone-Cops themselves to death.

#7 - So now Brad continues to mission to go stop whatever is causing the anti-matter waves from Neptune. It's taken his father like 20 years to get out there, but Brad will float out there in... 79 days? Didn't these people watch The Martian? It took like a year just to get to Mars! But ok, Brad's ship is just really really fast. And of course he hallucinates emotionally the whole way.

#8 - So, bingo, Brad arrives at Neptune, and yeah, there's his father's expedition ship. So Brad parks on the wrong side of the rings of Neptune and has to fly the Galileo over to it. And since it's his only way BACK to his ship, he just.. lets the Galileo drift away. As though he figures it's a suicide mission anyway, I don't know. Obviously the reason is so he could figure out a clever way to launch himself back to his own ship after the deed is done, just like Sandra and Matt did in their movies at the ends.

#9 - So, he finds his way into the ship, and of course, Tommy Lee is in there, really old, and of course crazy, and all alone. And Brad had decided to kill his father because clearly his father had gone mad and murderous, but before he can even ask, Tommy Lee announces he has been trying to find a way to stop all those anti-matter blasts, because it was really the mutinous ex-crew who caused it.. somehow. And so brad decides to take his father back home, even though he is, at best, a complete a-hole who only had like two pages of dialog in the whole movie.

#10 - But Tommy ain't havin it, and decides to try to kill them both, but really just decides he wants to die of asphyxiation out in Neptune orbit, so Brad lets him go. And the suitcase nuke is about to go off in the ship, and Brad decides that it's important to take back all the data Tommy collected, so he uses the old 'Nuke-going-off-nearby-to-propel-your-spaceship-really-fast-through-space' method for returning home.. just like in Independence Day I guess.

#11 - And so brad comes home and is accepted with open arms again because he stopped all the anti-matter blasting, and he tells the camera he is happy and engaged and involved in the lives of people around him, and he is smiling. Even though he directly caused the deaths of three astronauts and was a wanted man, but oh well. He's Brad.

Honestly, I wanted to like it. The previews looked interesting to me. But no. This thing was childish, dumb, boring, and pointless.

2/10
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Just read this to my wife. She thought it was hysterically accurate.

J Sizzle · Oct 3, 2019

Well.............I actually really liked it!

lmao

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