"I Just Want to Be Friends" - I Have too Many Friends Already!

Not much to say about this one. I feel for you, man. One word of advice: never do anything over the phone. Go eye to eye. It sucks and it's painful and you'll die a little bit, but that is the only way to do things.

 

I once got rejected by a cute girl in a bathroom at a party. She actually was taking a piss and rejecting me at the same time . We were just friends before that and did some stuff together as well. Then, trying to take it to the next level, she rejected me. She went to the bathroom in my presence and then sat there on the toilet while rejecting me. Basically, I wasn't crazy or wild enough for her tastes was the gist...i.e. she wanted a biker with tatoos and a criminal record.

Looking back...it's kind of funny now. I hear she died in a wicked motorcycle accident......just kidding.

"I feel your pain!"

Surf

 

Oh yeah,

been there done that wrote the book, filmed the movie, sold the tickets.

It always sucks, but i guess i almost always atain signifigant intimace. its funny. i say gee, i like you. she says i like you too, but as a friend. a week later we are nekid together, and after that the friendship is well more fun, but awkward. and in a matter of a few weeks. we are just casual aquaintenances. and im on to the next friend. im made of teflon. They al;ways call, but it eventually becomes a pain in my ass, and i stop returning them after a year or so.

one friend however has been gorgeous, flirtations, and well involved with ass hole after ass hole for years. and she wont let me rescue her from them. oh and of cource the guys are all jealous of me, and she can only really feel comfortable with me, and even sleep over, but it hasnt helped me get past that friendship.

and weve danced together like you wouldnt belive. and all she does is drive me nutz. i sincerly belive that she needs me to make a move (my normal style is very forward) but that damn respect and friendship thing. Who ever thought kissing a girl would be so hard??

and to top it all off she knows a great deal of my sexual history now. did you know it is impossible to charm a woman who knows how you operate? who has picked out girls for me. man she's evil.

feeling the pain


PEACE

 

The fear is always worse than the failure.

You'll have ten times more success face to face. Everyone gets turned down at one point or another, so take the plunge and don't dwell on 'being crushed.' When i first started traveling I used to think "man, the women in NYC are so hot" "man, the women at LA as so hot" "man, the women in Paris are so hot" and as the list got longer and longer I realized there are gorgeous women EVERYWHERE. If you don't hit it with one it is OK, they are EVERYWHERE. Strive for success and accept there will be failure.

 

The woman I'm dating right now was first "just a friend". I wish I could give you some more advice but there really wasn't any technique though. We were both getting over a great deal of realtionship unpleasantness and just took a chance at it. Of course, there was a emotional connection the first day we met.

If there is anything I can leave you with it would be to go with what would make you happy. A friendship isn't always detrimental and through time things can blossom, so I wouldn't give up on it just yet. Although, if you honestly think this isn't what you want, then looking elsewhere might be your best action. Either way, good luck and I'm always here for whatever insignificant counseling I can provide.

 

I remember when I was dating my wife during college, and I had a part-time job at the mall,... that is when I met the very sexy Vickie S., she had gone to a different college (UofH), but we struck up shared interests and conversations...She had a body and beauty that would turn heads and recently available,...I guess we had "friendly" signals since we had went to lunch (with a group) together, held hands (in a playful way), and flirted a bit, like her telling me that when she quits, she hopes no one takes her place...
I don't know if she intentionally did this to test me or whatever.. (she knew I had a serious girlfriend), but I have to admit I started getting confused...she had said she was "available", yet I see her with two different guys at times that she claims is just friends...Then she asks me to go to a dance club together as "friends"...It is then that I realize I need to take control...As attractive as she is (with the best backside you ever saw... ) I had commited to my "less exciting" now wife, but a person not only attractive to me, but seemed to match everything I needed in a relationship (as a then girlfriend)...As much as I hated it, I had to stop the "friend" relationship that could have destroyed the relationship I had for 3 years to that date...To my relief she quit, but gave me her number to stay in touch...I never called and was glad because I was definitely tempted.

Manny, this might not relate so much with your plight, but just beware the "friends" of opposite sex...It can often lead you to being confused about their intentions and about your needs and wants...

 

All I have to say is (and I know you don't wanna here this cause I never did) that it will work out.

I was devastated when my last girlfriend and I broke up, I even posted about it a few times on this board. I thought I'd never find love again, then come to find out, I didn't even love her. I thought I did, it felt like it, but what I have now doesn't even compare to any emotional feelings I've ever had.

You'll find it soon.

 

I wish I had something profound to add here. I don't.

girls are the enemy. they're all sisters.

okay, not really. my intent is not to wax misogynistic.

the simple truth is that you never control what a girl is going to do, say, choose, etc. and usually, if you're like me, you really can't control how you're going to feel about something.

I think the best you can hope to do is to control what you DO. I agree with Kagy: eye to eye is best. I agree with HayesStreet: the fear is worse than the failure. I've been subjected to ample amounts of both, and the failure is just not as bad as the fear.

say what you mean to say. ask for what you mean to ask for. call when you mean to call.

don't try to plan your words and your actions around what you think she wants you to do or say or what you think will get you what you want.

in my experience, that just doesn't work.

and when all that fails, write a song about it.

 

Life imitates art and this point in your life reads like a scene from the script of "Ally McBeal." John Cage, "the Biscuit," is a funny little man/lawyer who wanted a more intimate relationship with the title character. She didn't find him physically attractive. What did he do? Run away.

[For fans of "Ally McBeal"]:

S

P

O

I

L

E

R


S

P

A

C

E

Only to return later.



It might sound immature, but it will surely make you feel better: find a hot date and introduce her to your "friend." Most people want what they can (no longer) have.


University (Turning the Corner) Blue

 

Manny, Manny, My Poor Manny...

Don't ever get stuck in the dreaded FZ.

The FRIEND ZONE

If you like a girl you just have to go after her from day one.
Forget lunch...say we're going to dinner. Evening has an
affect on girls.

 

My girlfriend broke up with me cos she's Muslim and im Buddhist. The worst part is we still care for each other a lot, but she said dating somebody of a different race and religion would cause too many problems within her family. Ain't that the stupidest sh?t ever. Look at all the problems in the world caused by religion, its very depressing.

 

"Just want to be friends" sucks .

But sometimes it also happens the other way around - I am just trying to say the same thing to a girl and she is not really buying it either...it gets more difficult to go back there once you have gone further...

---------------

Another question about something that happened to a hypothetical person (let's call him...GermanRocket or something )...what if you had a serious relationship with a girl (btw, Spanish, Penelope Cruz look-a-like (REALLY similar)), let's say for a year, and then it ended (by more or less mutual agreement, but in reality you still want her...) and she very quickly started a relationship with a new guy (you suspect that perhaps it started even before it "officially" ended with you...). Then she wants to be friends and tries to be nice, but you still want more...what do you do... I think it's kind of difficult because you would always be frustrated being around her (if you feel that you might still be in love with her...) and mad because she started a relationship with another guy when yours had not even really ended...

What is better? a) Showing her you are angry (that she kind of lied to you about her new guy) and insulting her and pissing her off completely so that you will not have to do that "friend" thing which will only drive you crazy or b) really trying to be a "friend" although that is not what you really want??

GR chose option a) because he WAS angry and still jealous and didn't want to pretend that he was mature and could handle things like a grown-up . It made him feel better to tell her how he really felt and I think it saved him from suffering by having to be a "friend".... Was it bad or mean of him to do that??

 

Really kind and encouraging words. I think that in that moment when one breaks up, one is so down that one cannot even imagine being happy again... but I believe you are right, one should not lose the belief in love because of a failed relationship. Sometimes things are just not meant to be...

 

Don't let the moniker fool you....women confuse the hell out of me. For instance, a few weeks ago I met the hottest girl where I work. She was 26 had long blonde hair, blue eyes, a body of a goddess and was wearing a plaid skirt and stockings like a school girl. We were both giving each other the eye when I decided to go over and talk to her because her friend told one of my coworkers that she was interested in me. When she was leaving, she stopped and gave me her number even though I never asked for it. So I waited a couple days and gave her a call. We talked for a short time, but she was at work and was preparing to go out of town for a few days, so she said she'd give me a call when she got back. I waited a couple days after she was supposed to get back....no call. I decided to give her a call, we spoke for a little while and at the end of the conversation she said she'd call me later. About 5 days passes, still nothing. Thanksgiving is approaching and I knew I'd be busy and figured she would too, so I give her another call. After another 15-20 minute chat about everything from her kids to the upcoming holiday, she again says she'll give me a call after the holidays. That was last Wednesday and still no call. I don't get it at all. I understand she works and has two kids that occupy alot of her time, but why can't she take 2 seconds to call and say whats up if she is so interested that she gives me her number and wants me to call even though I never brought up the subject???

 

YESSS!!!!

Exactly, not like you gotta get into her panties the first night (although thats nearly another thread!) but geez, be flirtatious as hell if you really like a girl. Be a fool even! Shiiieeet, I'd at least try and give a sweet kiss after too long. I've let it go too long when I was younger and its just frustrating! I know better now! Keep at her if you really like her that much but not for too long and don't compromise who or what or where you are.




BTW:ROXRAN(with the best backside you ever saw...)

Congrats on the marriage mate!!

 

mr_oily, I didn't pick the one with the biggest butt, but I did marry the one I knew would be true to me and love me....as gorgeous as that Vickie girl was, (believe me she's a knock-out. she had the backside I was referring to...) I certainly was tempted, but I already had true love...and for all I knew that girl just may have wanted me for her collection, then dropped me like garbage after she was done...I kinda got signals she was like that...besides, my hunny held her own and homey/noble ROXRAN wasn't gonna throw it away...

 

I appreciate the congrats, though mr_oily

 

Guess who decided to call almost exactly an hour after my post??

Yep.



The Pimp lives!!

Ok, just kidding with that comment, but really, should I call her back tonight or play the stupid game and wait a few days?