Been married for 6 years. We have a 5 year old daughter. It's a mutual split, both of us feel we're in an unhealthy relationship and want to live a happier life separately. It still sucks though. I thought we'd never get a divorce. I took it for granted. Any of you divorced? I hear the divorce rate is 53% these days. More people getting divorced than staying together. I'm pretty bummed out right now. Not sure what the future holds. Any advice on how to go about this (emotionally)?
Kids from split homes deal with many issues kids from happy 2 parent homes don't and it effects them more than you know. try to work it out for the kid. try again. If that doesn't work... get a good lawyer and treat is like a business transaction and take emotion out of it. don't get screwed financially or out of your parental rights. I've worked out many major issues in my 15 year marriage because I could never live without being a full time father to my children.
In before Swoly talks down to you. Been divorced twice. I'm not one to say go or stay, because only you know how you feel. If you are committed to divorce, like was said earlier, treat it like a business transaction. talk through the lawyers, because she will pull a guilt trip on you. Fight for your child and don't give in to standard child support and visitation. If you do not get primary conservator, ask for right of first refusal. It doesn't matter is she says its mutual. Many women will still want to get what they feel they deserve. Don't give in...even if she cries, uses guilt trips, begs, whatever. Business transaction.
went through mine 3 years ago - not commenting on making the decision, assuming the decision is made and you're asking what to do in the wake don't date for a while, just focus on the kids and healing. Do things to keep busy. You're going to feel a big void for a while because you're so accustomed to sharing your life with someone else. when you start getting comfortable being by yourself, then start dating... and enjoy. It's kinda nice to have a free pass and a weeklong baby sitter for the kids while you enjoy the beauties of the earth. and don't be a douche. be there for your kids.
Thanks. I appreciate all of your posts. It's difficult to focus on anything else do anything helps. I want to help them anyway I can. Believe me if this could be resolved I would definitely do do. I just don't think the feelings are mutual. They're still here do maybe I still have a chance.
Thanks. I appreciate all of your posts. It's difficult to focus on anything else so anything helps. I want to help them anyway I can. Believe me if this could be resolved I would definitely do so. I just don't think the feelings are mutual. They're still here do maybe I still have a chance.
Marriage is an outdated institution. You are now free OP. The possibilities are endless. There are countless mares to mount, countless fields for you to fertilize with your seed.
You're in a tough situation. If you're not all in on the divorce, then seek counseling and find out what you really want. If you're feeling like you let down your family or failed as the father in your home, and are full of guilt, get ready, because you are about to give everything away out your your feelings of guilt.
I vote on the side of doing whatever you can to fix it, but please take VDP's advice if you cannot. Alway keep your cool and be sure to document every interaction if things start to get messy.
Don't sign the divorce decree unless and until you are prepared to live with every single part of it without complaint from the day you sign it until the day your child turns 18. In other words, you can't have one thing in the decree and then have a 'we're being nice to each other' setup afterward, because it only takes one person to say 'We're going back to what the decree says' and there is nothing you can do about it. You can 'be nice to each other' all you want, but if you don't get it in writing, then it can all be taken away any time and you will be stuck with whatever the decree says. Don't sign something you are not prepared to live with. Also, find a book called 'Getting Past Your Breakup', by Susan Elliot. You will find it to be a great help.
Not that I have any experience in matters like this, but it seems like finding yourself a really good lawyer would be the first step. I'm sorry to hear about your troubles though. It's always sad when two people (especially when children are involved) can't make things work.
Going through one right now myself, man. It sucks. There's very little good that comes of this. In my situation she basically wanted out, wasn't happy and wanted to be on her own. Fine, her husband and family doesn't make her happy, she can ****ing go, then. At least I keep the kids. I'm better for them anyway. If you get any good advice on how to deal with it I'd love to hear it. I haven't happened on anything yet myself. One thing I did was sit down and make a list of things I was going to do for myself to help move on. Things I couldn't really do when I was with her (I don't mean two chicks at once...though by all means do that if you like). It made me feel a little better to focus on what positives could come from the divorce...but it still sucks that it is happening.
Agree with the others here- do some deep reflection and go to counseling before you split up- your child's life is worth more than your petty prides. If it doesn't work out you'll have to change your name to half-chamillionaire.
Feel for you bro, I can't imagine going through all that after the years and raising the kids and the time you put in and the sacrifices you made only to one day hear that she's leaving and theres nothing you can really do about it. My divorce was not messy at all. It was the coming to grips with what was happening that lead up to it that was rough. Long-term denial. Feelings are hurt, jealousy, revenge, and 5 stages of grief. When I realized it was inevitable I just pulled the plug and tried to move on as quickly as I could. After that it was really just a mutual decision and the best for both of us. I was just a kid with no money and no idea what I was getting into. Looking back now I'm just glad we got out when we did. When you're only technically married for a few months it really doesn't sting as much, but it still lingers long after. Years later wounds heal and you were just thankful you didn't have to drag any kids through that ordeal. You move on, you pick up the pieces and you do what is best for you and your children.
