life is boring

Can't say anything about your dream, but I am sure most people have had these times in their life when they felt really alone. That sucks...good idea is perhaps to call some old friends you haven't talked to in a while...maybe then you could meet for a beer or something.

 

Man, you're depressed. Cheer up ! Life isn't boring. We live in very interesting times. you're free and you're young, do as you please as long as you don't harm others. That dream is scary. You shouldn't dream about killing people or acting violently for that matter. It's not healthy for you. Go to the PARK, a clean one preferably. Listen to some Reggae music or something that makes you feel happy. Go help someone in need. Or, maybe, just go to the BEACH. If that doesn't work go on a vacation.

 

First, on life being boring. One thing I've learned (though, not terribly well sometimes ) is that life is what you make it. You are only as bored as you allow yourself to be.

On the dream, there are a lot of consumption metaphors going on there. Eating, killing, the electric carving knife - those are all metaphors of consumption or even gluttony. It could very well be your feelings about your eating habits coming out in your dreams.

To take it a step further, you concern over your isolation and your eating habits mixed with the fact that you are on trial and your friends are making wisecracks (even though the trial is a serious matter) would seem to indicate that you feel inadequate. However, and this is important to note, you freely admit that YOU were the one on trial for something YOU did.

This is always significant because it demonstrates that you, probably on a subconcious level, recognize that your isolation, your eating habits, how you think other people see you, etc. are all of your own doing. The trial is like your admission that you are feeling criticized and that people are sort of looking at you funny. The very words "on trial" are a powerful symbol of being scrutinized in some way.

I'd suggest you try and determine why you are feeling so self-concious about how other people see you and try to get some perspective - maybe some honest criticism from someone you trust. Chances are, you are much harder on yourself than others are.

 

Let me guess : You live in Texarkana, right?

Most of my high school years I stayed inside, but I did it so I wouldn't get shot. lol. I replaced "hangin' out at the mall" with "learnin' about computers". Aren't you heading to college soon? If so, that may take care of some of your "anti-social" problems, but only if you take the initiative.

MIA!!!

damn... sorry... anyway, first step may be to get the hell away from chat.

 

Just drink some beer, works for me...

 

But not alone, that would be a very bad suggestion, I think...

 

My 4 tips:
1) Get a part time job in a place that is social and low stress. Something like a movie theater. You will use your free time to make spending money and meet people. You will also cut back on the time you are sitting around.
2) Stop sitting in front of the computer and TV. The internet is great, but like everything else, only in moderation. When you get on the internet, check the BBS and your email, then get off and go do something else. The internet tends to fill time that you aren't doing something more productive with.
3) Get some hobbies. You'll understand this one a little more when you get older, but while you are in HS and have all this free time, use it to make yourself better. Learn how to play guitar (women like this one), learn how to play a sport (are you on the basketball team already?), read a book (make yourself an expert on a subject you enjoy). The best kinds of hobbies are ones that challenge you. I'm what they would call "pretty freakin' far" from athletic, but I felt great after picking up cycling. I'm not that good even, but I like doing something that I never thought I could do before.
4) When you have a good idea for a project or a goal, write it down. I don't want to sound like a self help guru freak, but sorting stuff out on paper always seems like a productive thing to do if you are lacking direction on something. When you find yourself wasting time, pull out your list.

If you think you are suffering from depression, you might consider seeing a doctor. Wait until you are out of HS and don't have to tell your parents if that is a problem. I don't think that medication is a good answer to anything, but since I don't know you really, it might be a serious problem. I have several close friends that I think suffer in varying degrees from depression. One of them opted to get treatment and was helped immensely. The guy went from being a brilliant person who was a great friend, but had problems because he was unpredictable and emotional to someone who was much easier to be around because he was happier and more confident. Another one of those people considered treatment, but decided not to do anything because it wasn't really hurting him in any significant way. He is kinda a manic-depressive type. I won't go into details, but he seems to get more and more balanced (and happier as a result of it) as he get older.

I really agree with what Jeff had to say. "Chances are, you are much harder on yourself than others are."

Good luck.