Dear Fatty

DEAR Fatty
Universal Press Syndicate

Dear Fatty:

Q: I am ashamed to admit this, but after 20 years of marriage, my husband told me that he was meant to have a woman's body. My self-confidence is destroyed. Our children are suffering in every aspect of their lives. I cannot grasp my husband's revelation, as I love him still.

I also accept that this is something I cannot change, but ever since we separated, the men I have dated have all turned out to be gay.

Is it me? Am I cursed? Or do I curse others?

DEVASTATED in Detroit


Dear Devastated:

A: Quit dating. Period. You've obviously got quite the gift for turning men into homosexuals.

I can sympathize with your thoughts on it being something you could not change. Fair enough. But what does that say about the last 20 years for you.

I dunno. Maybe you're just attracted to that kind of person. ie: someone who has no interest in you.

Good Luck. You're gonna need it.


Dear Fatty:

Q: I am in college, and four out of five of my roommates smoke. About two-thirds of my friends are smokers, too. They all know it's bad for them, but it is hard to quit.

I see cigarette packs and lighters lying around, and I am very tempted to start smoking. I don't know why, because I know it's unhealthy. I have never smoked, but I'm afraid that I'll start soon. How can I make the right decision?

NAIL-BITING in Rochester, N.Y.


Dear Nail-biting:

A: Don't worry about the whole "unhealthy" thing. That's just Government propoganda put out there so they can tax ciggies extra. Besides, don't your roommates look cooler than you when they smoke? You're just making them feel bad by not joining in the fun.

Anyway, try it. You might like it. And in the beginning it gives you an awesome buzz, as well.


Dear Fatty:

Q: I am 16 and the mother of a beautiful little boy. His father is no longer in the picture.

There is a man in my life who loves my son and me very much. I'll call him Joe. Joe and I have been together for eight incredible months, and he recently proposed to me. One week later, I caught him cheating on me. I was heartbroken and didn't know what to do. Joe told me how sorry he was and begged me to give him another chance. I agreed.

But, Abby, things don't seem the same anymore. It feels like I'm the only one trying in this relationship. I realize I also have to consider my son. Was I wrong to give him a second chance?

CONFUSED in Reno, Nev.


Dear Confused:

A: I'm always reminded of a proverb when asked this question. "If a man cheats on his spouse, and no one is around to see it, did it really happen?"

The fact is you are a very jealous woman. Men don't cheat. They never have. The problem is that some women become so insanely jealous of their men that they can have "hallucinations" where they truly believe they see their man having an affair with someone else.

I promise you, nothing happened. Marry with confidence. Besides, you have the child baggage. Not exactly in "prime" shape, anymore, are you sweetheart.

Congrats on the future nuptials.

 

On Friday's, I tend to slack a bit...

 

No kidding. I beat the crap out of the woman who wrote that. She'll know better next time.

 

Now you're just being mean. The ol' Cut and Paste fooled me again.