Am I prude?

Makes more sense actually. There is a difference in SERIOUSLY trying to find the ONE for the rest of your life. And in having partners until that time. You arent the "play-the-field" type. And its to be commended.

With that said - it still sounds too hopeless romantic. And seems like things more fit for a "narrative"

(Thats cool that you have a process to see the quality. Though avoid any "confirmation bias" in that. They could be good - in whats good for you. It may not necessarily mean the ones who went out early aren't as good. Maybe you're a prude and they are too or are prude-tolerant lol. But as long as they're not bad)

Nothing wrong in not rushing. But again it seems like there's more arbitrary built-in delays just because. I mean if there's mutual feelings there TODAY (for the sexualities or anything) why delay the inevitable? Why force in some space-makers so that everything meets your standard of "at 18 months"?

You might be looking for an upward "climax" of sorts. And don't like things abrupt and ANTICLIMACTIC. And it feels emptier and more "meaningless" without "substance" in between. But if a fruit that normally takes 12 months is there in 2 months, why not accept it as it happens like that? I think thats how people are looking at it. Some things are about the process, and some are about the end-result.

Though its a matter of the heart I guess. Good luck in your overly elongated self-denial but personal meaning process .

 

You cannot go very long without having sex with a girl if she wants it. End of story. She will get very pissed or upset and think it has something to do with her. You are on her schedule. End of story.

 

I don't date to date either. I understand you want it all to have a purpose and meaning, but IMO, the timetable is too long. There's a fine line between patience and missing a great opportunity (with someone else). I like to wait to build things up too, but I also need to know if she's the one, sooner rather than later. I guess some people have faith the sex/intimacy will always turn out to be good, if the feelings are there, but i think a lot of marriages end because it's no longer good for them, once the honeymoon period ends.

 

Being selective in your physical and particularly sexual encounters is fine and even to be commended to a certain point. However, if you have known the person you are dateing for 10 years already, then that should count for something even if the dating part significantly changes your relationship. I would think you would already know her well enough at that point to at least know if she is someone you want to kiss and not just a fling. If you aren't willing to have some of the physical aspects of dating, then you are really asking a lot of patience from a woman, especially if she doesn't know about these "rules" you have created for yourself and has already known you for that long.


The sexual stuff is a matter of preference and beliefs, but you need to ask yourself what changes at 6 months or a year and a half? Every relationship develops at a different pace and alot depends on how much time you spend with one another rather than how long you have been dating. Seeing someone 4-5+ times a week over 2 months will result in a lot more actual time together than someone who has been dating for 6 months, but only seeing each other once or twice a week for example.

Many people have courtships that last less than a year and a half, especially as they get older. If marriage isn't a prerequisite for sex for you, then it seems that being in love with the other person would be a better marker for when it is right, other than an arbitrary time line. If you love the other person, and she feels the same, then the actual time it took to get there shouldn't matter. If you don't love her, then hitting a year and a half is a rather meaningless milestone, though hopefully you would have ended the relationship before sex in that case. As for kissing, entering into an exclusive dating relationship, where you each consider the other boyfriend/girlfriend might be something to consider as a more reasonable guideline. Generally I can come to that conclusion within a month or less, depending on how much time we spend together during that month. Like I said, going out once a weekend for a month vs going out 3-4+ times a week is going to leave you in vastly different states of knowing each other, despite only a month passing in both scenarios. Avoiding meaningless flings is a worthy ideal, but arbitrary time lines rather than meaningful relationship growth as the deciding factor for when to get more physically intimate certainly risks pushing away someone who might have been a good match.

If you decide to stick to your current timelines though it seems like something you should discuss with your date pretty early in the relationship so they know what to expect.

 

Neither will the OP.

 

I keep reading the title as "Am I Proud?"

 

YOLO, tomorrow is not guaranteed, live your life to the fullest.

You definitely sound like a prude but whatever makes your happy, I'd have no problem satisfying her sexual needs while you build up to sex a year and a half from now.

 

Damn dude. You play hard to get! LOL

 

Two knuckles deep, dude, two knuckles deep!

 

I think there is a lot to be said for not rushing things but I am curious to hear what your opinion as a woman though is on the glacial pace the OP is listing.

Would you have been fine if your significant other wouldn't have kissed you until after three months of solid dating or agreed to sex after a year and a half?

I understand that many women are turned off by the get in pants mentality of most men but at the same time most women also want to feel like they are sexually attractive to their partners. It seems like someone who was willing to put sex and physical intimacy off for so long just because of their own particular standards would end up alienating their partner.

 

I asked my wife this question and she told me that she would have thought I was gay.

 

Yup, i would think most women would think you're confused, playing with them, or wasting their time.

The part that still gets me is waiting a year between foreplay and sex. You wind them up and then close up shop for a year? Most guys would probably get dumped 2-3 months after that. It feels more like something both parties should be in on from the beginning.

 

Totally fine. My husband and I started by spending 6-7 months hanging out together as friends. We were still technically free agents (or at least that was what I thought) and weren't doing anything except innocent cuddling. We then turned it into a relationship and got into a lot of physical stuff, even shared an apartment, but did not go all the way until we were married, more than two years later. This was an important part of the religious and moral code of beliefs that we both have.

Because we had been friends/ were going on those ambiguous "dates" or hanging out all that time, it wasn't too hard to make the jump to physical contact after several months. He also made it clear then that he was looking at eventually getting married.

I agree that dating should hopefully lead to marriage, but it's also important not to jump to conclusions too early in the dating relationship. There were a few "deal breakers" present when we were friends: for example, he smoked and said early on that was a part of who he was and the girl he married was going to have to accept that. (I was thinking, fine, just not around me, not like I'm going to be marrying you anyway.) We were both wrong: he quit and we got married.

Now, if a guy didn't even show any _interest_ in doing anything physical... not even being tempted to... I might eventually decide that he needed to quit using me so that he could stay IN THE CLOSET. :grin:

 

<iframe width="624" height="351" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="http://screen.yahoo.com/mansome-195-reformed-whores-guide-040000492.html?format=embed&player_autoplay=false"></iframe>

 

But your butt is... hey ohhhh.