[Grantland] NBA Game of Thrones

AFS · Jul 20, 2012

Didn't see this posted yet. Merge if necessary

http://www.grantland.com/story/_/id/8182261/game-nba-thrones-part-i
http://www.grantland.com/story/_/id/8182319/game-nba-thrones-part-ii

Game of NBA Thrones, Part 1
With news coming from every corner of the basketball kingdom, it's time to hand out some awards
By Bill Simmons on July 20, 2012
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Anytime someone asked if I was watching Game of Thrones, I explained that it wasn't my kind of show. They always had the same reaction: "What????? It's a great show! How can you not watch it? It makes no sense!"

From there, I'd explain that the whole dragon/sword/forest era was never really my thing — dating back to the 1980s, when the Dungeons and Dragons kids took it to a pretty creepy place — and somewhere along the line, I decided that I just didn't enjoy voyaging into the forest. For any reason. If I could hold out on Lord of the Rings, then I could hold out on Game of Thrones. What changed? On the day after Season 2's epic "Blackwater" episode aired, I happened to be in Grantland's office as everyone was breathlessly rehashing it. At one point, Hollywood Prospectus editor Mark Lisanti glanced over to me and said, "I can't believe you don't watch this show."

I knew that disappointed, semi-incredulous look — it's the same one I direct at my father every time he admits that he hasn't started Mad Men yet (even though I bought him the Season 1 DVD two years ago). What are you doing? I thought you liked TV. This makes no sense! That night on the phone, my buddy House agreed with Lisanti's disbelief and added, "Just so you know, that show has a ton of nudity." Well then! I started watching that weekend and the rest was history.

By the fourth episode, I knew we had a winner for my annual "Recap the NBA's summer movement by handing out TV/movie quotes as awards" column. The overriding theme of Thrones — jockeying for power by any means necessary — should sound familiar to any basketball fan. Maybe the NBA doesn't have dragon babies, beheadings and incest (at least not yet), but it has just about everything else. Without further ado …

"I'm looking at spending the rest of my life being treated like a fool and a eunuch by my own people. Ask yourself: Is there anything I wouldn't do to stop that from happening?"

For Rockets GM Daryl Morey, who took the phrase "all in" to new levels with his dogged pursuit of Dwight Howard. At this point, Dork Elvis has done everything short of holding a boom box in the pouring rain outside of Dwight's Los Angeles hotel … and that's probably happening tomorrow night. His strategy makes sense: You can't win the title without a top-10 player. Unfortunately for the Rockets, they've been trapped in NBA no-man's-land ever since T-Mac and Yao broke down. Last year, they barely missed the playoffs AND paid the luxury tax, which simply can't happen — in a 30-team league, you either want to bottom out or contend, but you can't be in the middle. The Rockets spent the last three years stockpiling assets and cap space for this exact moment. It's Howard, Bynum or Bust.1

Were there a few days when it seemed like Morey had outsmarted himself? Actually, yeah. The Rockets allowed an emerging offensive star (Goran Dragic) to leave for Phoenix (four years, $34 million), then dealt one of the league's best bargains (Kyle Lowry, owed just $12 million total for the next two seasons) for a future lottery pick to help The Howard Trade That Might Not Happen, going from two quality point guards to zero in about five nanoseconds. That's when one of my incredulous readers e-mailed me, "At what point are we going to find out that Dork Elvis overdosed on bath salts and tried to eat Kevin McHale's face off?" He salvaged that mini-crisis by giving Jeremy Lin a back-loaded offer sheet ($24.9 million, three years) that the Knicks didn't match. Why not just re-sign Dragic (a better player than Lin) instead of sweating out an offer sheet and banking on James Dolan doing the wrong thing?

(Wait … I forgot … there are few safer bets in sports than James Dolan doing the wrong thing. You're right.)

"We've had vicious kings and we've had idiot kings, but I don't know if we've ever been cursed with a vicious idiot for a king."

(Cut to the Knicks fans nodding.)

Here's the thing: The Knicks haven't worried about the financial ramifications of a basketball decision since Dolan's daddy turned the team over to him. Even the most grizzled, beaten-down Knicks diehard would admit, "Dolan might be incompetent, but you can't say he's afraid to spend money." That why I agree with what Jay Kang wrote earlier this week — this wasn't a financially motivated decision, just a spiteful one. Dolan didn't appreciate Lin's agent proactively screwing him over with a poison pill2 offer, and responded accordingly.

You don't pull that sneaky **** with me after everything I did for you! I'm James F-ing Dolan! Go to Houston for all I care, you'll never be seen again!

That was the only plausible explanation: pure, unadulterated spite. When you're hopelessly over the cap like New York (thanks, Amar'e!) and you've already proven that you don't care about being fiscally responsible, why allow a 23-year-old asset to leave for nothing … especially someone who resonated with your fan base like no Knick since Latrell Sprewell? Lin would have been underpaid in years one and two and violently overpaid in year three (including luxury tax ramifications, Lin would have cost the Knicks $43 million in year three). Well … so what? What about Lin's value overseas, or even his undeniable effect on MSG's stock? (It couldn't have been a coincidence that Houston, the one team that knew exactly how valuable someone with a Far East marketing reach could be, was the one that pursued Lin.) Couldn't Lin have helped the Knicks contend next season? And after that, they could have traded him in year two or year three to a team with cap space (or for a better player) with other pieces thrown in. Who said they had to keep him for all three years? Why not bring him back and figure the rest out later?

For everyone dismissing last season's Linsanity binge as something of a fluke, here's a news flash for you: This isn't baseball. This isn't Kevin Maas or Phil Plantier catching fire for a few weeks before the league figured them out. I watched those games. Even in a somewhat small sample size, Lin proved that he's either a quality starter (best-case scenario) or something of a rich man's J.J. Barea, an irrational confidence guy who gives you instant offense off the bench (worst-case scenario). Letting an asset leave for nothing? Really stupid. Letting that asset leave because you'd rather spend that money on Jason Kidd (39 years old, effectively washed-up), Marcus Camby (on his last legs) and Ray Felton (the most loathed Trail Blazer maybe ever)? That's really stupid AND an appallingly bad business decision. And by the way …

"Tears aren't a woman's only weapon. The best one's between your legs."3

Smart advice (at least in medieval times) for the entire Knicks fan base. You only have one weapon as fans: The right to stop supporting your team. I hate to break it to you, but you have a better chance of watching this entire song 100 times in a row without stopping than seeing Dolan sell the Knicks. He will own your team until he dies, or until he's electrocuted by a suicidal microphone during a JD and the Straight Shot concert (whatever comes first). That's another 30 to 40 years. With Brooklyn launching a second New York team next October, you have a natural out — a one-time-only chance to run from Dolan, switch local allegiances and never look back. You could also renounce the Knicks and become an NBA widow. Or, you could be a loyal sap, remain a Knicks fan and be perpetually bitter … but at the very least, sleep well at night knowing that you stuck with your boys through thick and thin. I support any of those three choices. Either way, it's a shame that one of the best fan bases in any sport is saddled with an owner like that.

(Important note: As many Knicks fans have pointed out, "On paper, the Brooklyn switch makes sense … but is it really a peace-of-mind upgrade to go from James Dolan to Billy King and an absentee Russian owner?" Solid counter.)

"Three victories don't make you a conqueror."
"It's better than three defeats."

To the suddenly rejuvenated Hornets, who found themselves a new owner (the Benson family), rebuilt themselves through the draft (The Brow and Austin Rivers), free agency (matching Eric Gordon's max offer sheet from Phoenix, then plucking Dorkapalooza favorite Ryan Anderson away from Orlando for $36 million) and one savvy salary dump (dumping cap-clogging Emeka Okafor/Trevor Ariza contracts on Washington for Rashard Lewis's Expiring Contract, then quickly buying out Lewis). I didn't expect to be interested in the Hornets for League Pass purposes before 2014 at least. Who knew? And by the way … you know who gets the lion's share of the credit here?

"I am a Khaleesi of the Dothraki. I am the wife of the great Khal and I carry his son inside me. The next time you raise a hand to me will be the last time you have hands!"

To David Stern, who turned out to be right (retroactively, but still) when he vetoed a package that netted New Orleans Luis Scola (amnesthetized last week and signed for half the cost), Kevin Martin (very available), Dragic and Houston's 2012 first-rounder, didn't save the Hornets money, didn't allow them to bottom out AND gift-wrapped Chris Paul to the Lakers while somehow saving them millions. The revised deal sent the Hornets expiring contracts, a potential All-Star (Gordon), and Minnesota's no. 1 pick (turned out to be Austin Rivers at no. 10) and allowed them to bottom out (and stumble into the no. 1 overall pick). Looking back, it's no contest and I'm embarrassed that I defended the first deal, especially when they didn't dump Okafor's contract or Ariza's contract in it. And did we learn something that even the people running the NBA believe that, unless you can contend for the title, you're better off bottoming out and buying a lottery ticket? Yes. Yes we did.

"Don't take it personally, I hardly trust myself!"

Does that mean Stern was vindicated by The Veto? Nooooooooooo! He disgraced the league (and his own legacy, and Dell Demps) with the pigheaded way he handled it. The end did not justify the means. I don't think he cares. As Chuck Klosterman and I discussed on the B.S. Report this week, not only does the Notorious D.J.S. have his mojo back, he actually seems to be embracing his newfound status as something of a wrestling heel. Will we ever see another sports commissioner cup his ears and encourage the boos at a league event (like Stern did during this year's draft)? I say no.

Once upon a time, league insiders thought Stern would retire after negotiating last year's television deal and labor agreement. Now? The consensus seems to be, "He's not going ANYWHERE." He's like Lorne Michaels in this respect — both guys know that, as long as they're running the NBA or SNL, everyone will return their calls, everyone will take their meetings, everyone will kiss their asses and fall all over themselves trying to please them, everyone will give them the best table in the restaurant and the best suite in the hotel, nobody will question them using the company jet, and basically, they're going to matter. Once you walk away, that's it. You're yesterday's news. I see both guys holding on as long as they possibly can. Wouldn't you? And on that note, Adam Silver will now light himself on fire.

(Quick spoiler-free tangent about Khaleesi: Before I started watching Thrones, a reader e-mailed me that there wasn't a more exciting television moment than seeing the "N" (for nudity) in the opening credits before a Thrones episode, then spending the next hour rooting for the "N" to somehow involve Khaleesi. When I started watching the show and Khaleesi got naked in something like three of the first four episodes, it all made sense. Somehow she kept her clothes on during the entire second season — an egregious oversight by HBO that should have resulted in multiple high-level firings and maybe even a public apology. It's not like the actress playing Khaleesi is the next Meryl Streep or anything. But between Sookie (from True Blood) and Khaleesi, it's safe to say that HBO pushed 10 million teenage boys through puberty these past few years.)

"I am Daenerys Stormborn and I will take what is mine, with fire and blood."

You know who got paid? JaVale McGee! Amazingly, Denver gave him $44 million over four years … and even more amazingly, I can't make fun of it. (He was electric in that Lakers series — you could say he took what was his, with fire and blood.) If you're scoring at home, the Nuggets could have been stuck paying Carmelo and Nene $100 million over the next three years. Instead, they flipped those guys and spent a little less on Arron Afflalo, Danilo Gallinari, Wilson Chandler and McGee. Really smart considering they were going to lose Carmelo anyway. I'm giving Kevin O'Connor's spot in the Smart GM Club to Masai Ujiri — if you trade an expiring contract for two years of Marvin Williams, you're suspended from the Smart GM Club for one year. Sorry.

"A Dothraki wedding without at least three deaths is considered a dull affair."

One of the show's funniest moments goes to one of the month's funniest moments — Mark Cuban missing Deron Williams's visit to Dallas for the Mavericks' big "Here's why you should play for us, Deron" pitch. Why? Because Cuban was in Los Angeles taping that week's episode of Shark Tank. Does anyone else keep picturing this exchange?

Williams: "So why isn't Mark here? Is he running late?"

(Donnie Nelson and Rick Carlisle glance at each other nervously.)

Jeff Schwartz (Williams's agent): "Shouldn't we wait for him?"

Nelson (finally): "Mark can't make it today."

Schwartz: "What happened? Family emergency or something?"

(Nelson and Carlisle glance at each other nervously again.)

Williams: "Is everything all right?"

Carlisle (finally): "Have you ever seen the show he's on, Shark Tank?
(Williams and Schwartz look at him blankly.)

Carlisle: "Well … "

Anyway, you're not gonna believe this, but Williams ended up re-signing with Brooklyn. Normally I'd have more barbs here … but I actually enjoy Shark Tank. I fully support Cuban's decision to throw away Dallas's 2012 title defense to create enough cap space to potentially sign a marquee free agent like Williams, then to miss THE crucial pitch meeting with Williams because he was contractually obligated to tape a reality-TV show. I care more about Shark Tank than the fate of the Mavericks. If I rooted for the Mavericks? I might not be as happy.

"I'll tell you what. I'm going to give you a present. After I raise my armies and kill your traitor brother, I'll give you his head as well."

One of the show's cockiest quotes goes to Oklahoma City GM Sam Presti, who made the Finals, then followed that up by drafting Perry Jones (this year's big feast-or-famine post-lottery pick) and signing Hasheem Thabeet (for the veteran's minimum, but still). Both moves reeked of a little "I don't care if everyone else is scared off, I can fix this, I'm Sam Effing Presti!!!!!" swagger. I thoroughly enjoyed them. By the way, no TV show ever used beheadings and severed heads more effectively than Thrones — it really makes you long for the days when you could celebrate a big win by putting your opponent's head on a stake.4

"Even torturing you is boring."

Speaking of Hasheem the Dream, Memphis got a combined five and a half years total out of Thabeet and O.J. Mayo — picked no. 2 overall and no. 3 overall, respectively, in back-to-back drafts — and nobody cares because they still stumbled into having a pseudo-contender of a team. Will we ever see THAT happen again?

"Just because I pay you for your services doesn't diminish our friendship."
"Enhances it, really."

To the agent for Ramon Sessions (Jared Karnes), who narrowly edged the agent for Aaron Brooks (Leon Rose) for 2012's Bill Duffy/Anthony Carter Memorial "Biggest Agent Screwup" Trophy. You can't totally blame Rose for telling Brooks to grab some Chinese league money during the lockout, then watching in horror as the lockout abruptly ended, Brooks couldn't get out of his deal, then Brooks's Chinese team cruised all the way to the Whatever The Hell The Chinese League Finals Are … and by the time it was over, Brooks never caught onto a 2011-12 NBA team, then was totally overlooked this month and ended up settling for a meager two-year deal in Sacramento.5 But that wasn't as indefensible as Karnes telling Sessions to give up a $4.55 million player option with the Lakers to test free agency, assuming they'd extend his deal even after Sessions's epic no-show in the playoffs. Nope. The Lakers grabbed Steve Nash, and Sessions eventually landed with the lowly Bobcats for a two-year, $5 $10 million deal. Whoops.

(The lesson, as always: There's no luckier team than the Lakers. Had Sessions exercised that player option, they would have had to spend the summer shopping Sessions or Steve Blake so they didn't have to pay three point guards. Like always, it worked out for them thanks to someone doing something dumb. God, I hate the Lakers.)

"I've much liked my head. I don't want to see it removed just yet."

To the Spurs, who kept it simple by re-signing Duncan at a discount ($30 million for three years), then used the extra money to re-sign Danny Green and Boris Diaw. You know when you say, "Let's run it back?" When you blow the Western Conference Finals because Kendrick Perkins and Serge Ibaka shot 18-for-20 on the road in Game 5 (something that, it's safe to say, will NEVER happen again), then Durant finished you off that same game by doing everything short of shooting flames out of his ass, then you couldn't buy a call to save your life in Game 6 … and suddenly you were heading home wondering what the hell just happened. Personally, I think the Spurs watched Oklahoma City melt down in the Finals and said to themselves, "We were a very good team that may have just been unlucky." Either way …

"Anyone can be killed."

I'm firing every editor we have if they don't destroy my Game 2 Spurs-OKC retro diary from Grantland's archives soon.

"Take the half-man, he can dance for the children; kill the other one!"

For my single favorite moment of the month: Toronto going all out for Steve Nash, even giving Landry Fields a $19 million poison-pill contract in a desperate attempt to block New York's rumored Steve Nash trade … only the Lakers snared Nash and poor Toronto was stuck with Fields,6 leading to a hilarious scenario when the Raptors immediately tried to amnesty Fields's deal even as he was signing it. (Just kidding. I made that up.)

You know what the whole thing reminded me of? The Larry Sanders roast (one of the greatest TV episodes of all time7), when Artie had to book an obscure comedian named Kip Addotta to get Jerry Seinfeld at the roast, only Seinfeld canceled at the last minute, leading to Addotta droning on at the roast as Larry fake-laughed in pure misery. Eventually, he leaned over to Artie for the following exchange:

Larry: "Who the f-ck is that?"
Artie: "That's Kip Addotta."
Larry: "Who's that?"
Larry's agent: "He's the guy we had to get to get Seinfeld."
Larry: "Where's Seinfeld?"
Larry's agent: "The b*stard canceled an hour ago."

Basically, Toronto's summer was the Larry Sanders roast, Steve Nash was Jerry Seinfeld, and Landry Fields was Kip Addotta. The good news for Toronto: They salvaged things (a little) by acquiring Lowry, and everyone loves last year's no. 1 pick (Jonas Valanciunas, a stud by all accounts). We don't need to get rid of basketball in Canada just yet.

"And here we have Bronn, son of … "
"You wouldn't know him."

One of the show's best sneaky-funny exchanges goes to the sneakiest-funniest subplot of this month — Orlando insisting on shedding many of its "bad" contracts (Glen Davis, Jason Richardson, Hedo Turkoglu, etc.) in any Dwight Howard deal, and then, even as they're doing this, they extend Jameer Nelson with a three-year, $19.7 million contract that's just as "bad" as any of those other contracts. But hey, anytime you can overpay a 30-year-old point guard who can't defend anyone, gives you 12 and 6 every night, makes 42 percent of his shots and hasn't played at a high level in three years even as you're desperately trying to create cap room with a megadeal at the same time, I guess you have to do it.

"Death is so final — whereas life is full of possibilities."

To the Rockets, again — in the long run, they're probably landing what they wanted (a franchise guy). With Brooklyn out of the running for Howard and Andrew Bynum unwilling to commit to Orlando, any Howard deal has to run through the Rockets unless these recent Bynum-to-Cleveland rumors are true (and it just seems too far-fetched). Check the margin for the most logical three-teamer,8 which hasn't happened yet only because the Lakers are refusing to take on Hedo Turkoglu's salary in any Howard/Bynum swap. In their defense, they're playing the waiting game with Orlando — they believe the Magic will eventually cave and send them Howard for Bynum. And from what I'm hearing, they're more than a little worried about Howard's recovery from back surgery. Understandable. (Wait, did I just defend the Lakers???? Sorry about that.) On the other hand …

"You're afraid?"
"I must be."
"Good."
"Why is that good?"
"It means you're not stupid."

If you're a Rockets fan, wouldn't you be mildly petrified of amnestying Luis Scola (the best amnesty guy ever, by far — nobody else comes close), dumping Kevin Martin in a contract year (when you know he'll play well), dealing two potential lottery picks AND swapping one or two of your promising 2012 first-rounders just so you can a) deliver Howard to a contender in your own conference, and b) roll the dice with Bynum?

The case for Bynum: He's the league's second-best center and a guaranteed 20/10 guy when healthy.

The case against Bynum: He's still immature, he handled L.A.'s last two playoff exits more than a little erratically, and he played 80 percent of his team's games last season for the first time since 2007.

How would Bynum handle the responsibility of his team's fate directly hinging on his ability to throw up a 23-12 and handle double teams night after night after night? If you're not afraid of the downside there, then you ARE stupid. Part of me agrees with Grantland's Robert Mays — instead of paying 130 cents on the dollar for Bynum, maybe the Rockets should just build around Linsanity and their fun young guys (did you see those Royce White highlights from Vegas???), have one of those "entertaining lottery seasons," then figure out a long-term game plan next summer. Tough choice.9

"Some of those boys will never come back."
"Joffrey will. The worst ones always live."

For former Orlando GM Otis Smith, the Patient X of this Howard saga. Otis overpaid every player that Orlando is demanding to dump in any Howard trade, with the exception of Turkoglu … and in that case, he traded a solid center (Marcin Gortat) and an expiring contract (Vince Carter) for Hedo's lousy deal, so that was just as bad. And we didn't even mention the Rashard Lewis/Gilbert Arenas fiasco yet. Will Otis run another team someday? OF COURSE! Are you kidding me? If Billy King can get rehired, the sky is the limit for Otis.

As for Joffrey, I can't ever remember hating a TV character more. Even his name is detestable. Joffrey is so fun to hate that I can't imagine the actor who plays him (Jack Gleeson) ever working again — at this point, I'm convinced that he's equally evil and a product of incest. I think Jack Gleeson should get Nicholson's Lakers seats when Jack finally dies. Since we'll never replace Jack's star power and charisma in that seat, let's go in another direction and go for someone who appears to be purely and simply evil. He could dress like King Joffrey and order Lou Adler around. I really think this could work. That reminds me …

"Handsome armor. Not a scratch on it."
"I know. People have been swinging at me for years and they always seem to miss."
"Chosen your opponents wisely, then."
"I have a knack for it."

How did everything work out for the Lakers again? In the late '60s, Wilt fell into their laps. In the mid-'70s, Kareem fell into their laps. In the late '70s, they exploited two incompetent franchises (New Orleans and Cleveland) and somehow landed no. 1 overall picks in 1980 (Magic) and 1982 (Worthy). In the mid-'90s, Shaq fell into their laps and they smartly stole Kobe during the same summer. In 2008, Memphis gift-wrapped Pau Gasol for them. And now, with yet another dead end looming in 2012 — triggered by last December's Chris Paul trade that fell through, one of the rare times that the Lakers have ever been screwed over by bad luck — suddenly Steve Nash AND Dwight Howard might fall into their laps? How the heck does this keep happening?????? The Kobe era was dead! We had the funeral and everything! The Lakers should change their logo to a purple-and-gold horseshoe that's rammed up Jerry Buss's ass. Here's what it would look like.

MILTON UN
Here's how lucky the Lakers were with Nash: If Lamar Odom never melted down post-Gasol veto, they never would have stuck Mark Cuban with a total lemon deallt Odom to Dallas and ended up with a juicy trade exception. If Nash's ex-wife never said, "I'm not moving from Phoenix," then he wouldn't have been so focused on finding a West Coast contender that needed a point guard (and yes, only one West Coast contender needed a point guard). And if Phoenix didn't owe Nash after a) he gave them a discount three years ago and expected them to spend the extra money (and they didn't), and b) he never complained publicly about wasting the tail end of his extended prime on a lottery team, then there's no way they would have traded the greatest Sun ever to their all-time nemesis and archrival. Those are three significant "ifs." All of them worked out. God, I hate the Lakers.

"You love your children. It's your one redeeming quality — that and your cheekbones."

And here's the best part: Phoenix fans couldn't even be pissed at Nash, because he played the family card so spectacularly well. You could read between the lines of every Nash quote after the trade: He was basically saying, "Look, I love my kids so much that I'll even spend three years playing for the Lakers and pretending I like Kobe." What a noble gesture. This man hated the Lakers. He really did. For the record, he's a better man than I am — I don't love my kids nearly enough to end up in a picture like this.

ANDREW D. BERNSTEIN/NBAE/GETTY IMAGES
You know what really bugs me? He's the first legitimately likable Laker since Magic retired. There isn't a basketball fan on the planet who wouldn't be delighted to see Steve Nash finally win the title … you know, if it were happening in a vacuum. But if he won the title and jumped into the arms of Dwight "I'm still covered in Orlando's blood" Howard as Kobe Bryant and Ron Artest jumped onto their backs? That's a different story. Nash's first title would mean …

• A ring for Dwight Howard less than a year after he acted like the biggest baby in recent sports history. (Yes, I'm operating as if Howard will be a Laker. Might as well get a jump on it.)

• Two more rings for Ron Artest than Charles Barkley, Elgin Baylor, Karl Malone, Allen Iverson, George Gervin, Reggie Miller, Patrick Ewing, Dominique Wilkins, John Stockton and Paul Mokeski combined.

• Six titles for Kobe. As many as Jordan. More fodder for the ridiculous "Who was better, Kobe or Jordan?" argument that LeBron already squashed this spring by dominating at a level that Kobe never reached.10

• A 17th title for the Lakers, which would technically match Boston's 17 titles even though five of those Laker titles happened in Minneapolis in the 1940s and 1950s. If you count those five, that's EXACTLY like adding Seattle's 1979 NBA title to Oklahoma City's ongoing total … right? That won't stop Lakers fans from pretending that they "tied" Boston even if they didn't. I'm already pissed off and it hasn't even happened yet.

Add everything up and I haven't been this conflicted by a sports development since … since … I mean … what's worse than the league's most likable and unselfish player playing for the Lakers? I feel sick. Let's move on.

"The things I do for love."

To Phoenix owner Robert Sarver, who earned a rare compliment by doing the right thing with Nash, landing two no. 1s and two no. 2s and a whopping trade exception to boot. From there, they smartly snared Dragic at a fair price; amnestied Josh Childress to create cap room for Scola (double amnesty!),11 made a respectable max contract run at Eric Gordon (and earned Gordon's "my heart belongs in Phoenix" quote),12 and took an $18 million flyer on Michael Beasley (who gives them much-needed offensive punch AND good fodder for Jared Dudley's Twitter feed). If you're looking for 2013's underdog that overachieves by 12 wins because of chemistry and quirky/savvy offensive players, look no further than the 2012-13 Suns.

(Will they make the playoffs? No!!!!!!!!!! Not in a million years. But they'll be fun to watch. As for any Suns fan out there who's furious that I just praised Sarver, you should know the "Things I do for love" was uttered by someone — SPOILER ALERT!!!!!!!!!!! — about to cripple a 10-year-old boy who mistakenly walked in on an incestuous sex romp. That should soften the blow … right?)13
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Game of NBA Thrones, Part 2
With news coming from every corner of the basketball kingdom, it's time to hand out another batch of awards
By Bill Simmons on July 20, 2012
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If you missed Part 1 of my Summer NBA Review (Game of Thrones quotes handed out as awards), CLICK HERE to catch up. Here's Part 2.

"I'm the captain. If this ship goes down, I go down with it."
"I'm sure many captains said the same when the ship was afloat."

Did you know that Vinny Del Negro — the same guy who was nearly fired for about a week straight in March — somehow gained power and did the lion's share of the work shaping the Clippers this summer? That's 100 percent true!

(No, really, it's 100 percent true!)

After Neil Olshey left for Portland, in classic Don Sterling fashion, the Clips decided against hiring a new general manager — something that, you know, every other team has — giving Del Negro, team president Andy Roeser and some guy named Gary Sacks (I think he's a former Staples Center usher) the power to make every summer decision. Somehow this didn't turn into one of the biggest calamities in sports history. Del Negroeseracks extended Blake Griffin for five years and $95 million (smart); re-signed Chauncey Billups (smart); amnestied Ryan Gomes (smart); signed Grant Hill (a sorely needed perimeter defender — really, really smart); flipped perpetual sourpuss Mo Williams into The Artist Formerly Known As Lamar Odom (not smart, but not dumb, either); and overpaid Jamal Crawford as this year's "Erratic Gunner Off The Bench Who Will Win You One Game And Shoot You Out Of The Next Three" spot (really dumb, although they had three of these guys last season and only one this year, so at least we're headed in the right direction).

Fact: The 2012-13 Clippers are better, on paper, then the 2011-12 Clippers. Especially from a chemistry standpoint. So kudos to Del Negroeseracks for a job well done. It's just too bad they didn't upgrade the head coaching spot. (Although I guess that would have been impossible.) On the other hand …

"What did I buy you for? To make me sad?"1

One day after Griffin signed his monster extension — $35 million more than Donald Sterling has ever guaranteed anybody — he tore his meniscus during a Team USA practice. Supposedly, he'll be ready for the season. Supposedly. This could only happen to the Clippers. And by the way, pulling Grant Hill from the sanctity of Phoenix's training staff to the tortured Clippers and their underwhelming medical staff is like some sort of sick science experiment. I'm patently terrified about this. Let's just move on before I panic and put my 2012-13 season tickets on eBay.

"How would you like to die, Tyrion, son of Tywin?"
"In my own bed, at the age of 80, with a belly full of wine and a girl's mouth around my c---."

One of the funniest exchanges goes to another one of the funniest subplots: every time a team took it personally when another team signed one of their guys to a splashy offer sheet. (See: New York, New Orleans, Portland and Portland again.) Oh, I'm sorry — I thought we were competing against each other in a league in which only one team can win the trophy every year. My bad. I also enjoyed when restricted guys (Eric Gordon and Nicolas Batum, to name two) did the whole "please don't match, my heart is somewhere else" routine — yeah, like that's going to ever work — then had to frantically backtrack like a soccer defender after their original teams matched. Don't you just love July?

"So clever … Aren't you always so clever with your schemes and your plots."
"Schemes and plots are the same thing."

To my favorite offseason feud — Minnesota's David Kahn butting heads with Portland's Paul Allen by aggressively courting swingman Nicolas Batum and signing former Blazers hero Brandon Roy (restarting his career after undergoing the "Kobe treatment" in Germany), with neutral observers wondering if Kahn's sudden obsession with Blazers players might be revenge for Portland trading him damaged goods (Martell Webster) two years ago.2 How pissed off was Portland? When Kahn stupidly offered them Derrick Williams and two no. 1s for the chance to totally overpay Batum (four years, $46 million), Portland turned him down and eventually matched the offer. Are you kidding me? We'll spend the rest of our lives trying to figure out what was stranger — the offer itself, or Portland not immediately accepting that offer, fleecing Kahn and never looking back.

Important note: I didn't mind the logic behind Minnesota's offer sheet for Batum when you remember this formula: "Cold weather + small market + years of incompetence = you're not signing free agents unless you overpay for them." Batum brings three things to the table that the 2012 Finals proved everyone needs going forward: athleticism, perimeter defense and 3-point shooting. Over the next four years, I'd rather pay Batum $46 million than Roy Hibbert $58 million. I can't beat Miami or Oklahoma City with Hibbert — as the Heat proved in the last three games of their comeback against Indiana, when they basically ran Hibbert off the floor — but Batum would be valuable against either team. And those are the two teams I need to beat if I want to win the title. So yeah, I'm defending David Kahn here.

(Should we mention that Kahn made the Batum offer and Roy signing without having enough cap space to pull them off, then had to amnesthize Darko Milicic, buy out Webster and swing a couple of minor deals to carve out the room … only to watch Portland inevitably match the Batum offer, so basically, the T-Wolves squandered extra money for an offer sheet that had no chance? I guess that deserves an honorary "KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHN!" But I enjoyed his aggressiveness this summer. Pursuing Batum was the right move.)

"I'm not a cripple."
"Then I'm not a dwarf. My father will be rejoiced to hear it."

We're on a run of classic Tyrion Lannister moments right now. I'm not even giving this one to anyone — it's too good. Here's another …

"If I die, weep for me."
"You'll be dead. How will you know?"
"I'll know."

Remember the 48 hours after Game 3 of the Miami-Indiana series, when it seemed like the frisky Pacers were on the verge of (a) killing the LeBron/Wade era, and (b) sneaking into the Finals? That was fun. Now they're building around three overpaid starters — Danny Granger (two years, $27.1 million), Hibbert (four years, $58 million), George Hill (five years, $40 million) — a bunch of overpaid role players ($21 million next year for David West, Ian Mahinmi, D.J. Augustin and Gerald Green???) and one possible blue-chipper (Paul George, who absolutely stunk in the 2012 playoffs). Does Hallmark make "Congrats on locking down the no. 6 seed for the next few years" cards?

Quick tangent to celebrate Lannister — if you don't watch Thrones, he's the diabolical, perverted, entitled, sarcastic, strategic genius of a little person played by Peter Dinklage who rips off classic line after classic line. You know someone achieved TV greatness when he earned two "Best of" YouTube montages (here and here) AND a "Funniest Moments" montage after just 20 episodes. Where does he rank among the greatest TV characters ever? I can't see how he falls out of the top 10. I just can't. Here's my own personal list that I spent exactly three minutes on before realizing that it could have turned into 30 hours and I had to stop.

1. Tony Soprano
2. Omar
3. Sam Malone
4. Don Draper
5. Sonny Crockett
6. Jack Bauer
7. Tyrion Lannister
8. Kenny Reeves
9. Stringer Bell
10. John Kelly3

And that's when I had to stop, because I didn't want to spend the next 30 hours figuring out where George Costanza, Norm Peterson, Louie, Fred Sanford, Cheryl David, Ricardo Tubbs, Larry David, Jim Rockford, Kris Munroe, Roger Sterling, Louie De Palma, Chandler Bing (first two years), Jack Tripper, Valerie Malone, Ernie "Coach" Pantusso, Jimmy McNulty, Bunk, Coach Taylor, Tim Riggins, Doug Ross, The Fonz, James Evans, J.J. Evans, Alex P. Keaton, Hank Kingsley, Elaine Benes, Paulie Walnuts, Gabe Kotter, Dan Tanna, J.R. Ewing, Kramer, Amanda Woodward, George Jefferson, President Bartlet, President Palmer, Steve Austin, Arnold Jackson, Mallory Keaton, Diane Chambers, Boner Stabone and everyone else I enjoyed over the years ranked on the all-time list. Just know that there's a list within the list … and Tyrion Lannister is on that list. If there were sabermetrics for television, his KLPE ("Killer lines per episode") rate would probably be the highest ever. Anyway …

"You can't f--- your way out of everything."
"I have so far."

The Mavericks tossed aside last year's title defense by letting Tyson Chandler leave and placing their dragon eggs in the 2012 Howard/Williams free agency basket … which, of course, blew up in their faces. That was followed by a tense 72-hour period during which Dirk Nowitzki was probably drunk-dialing his buddy Nash begging him to sign with Dallas (that didn't work out, either). They tried to regroup by turning the Jasons (Terry and Kidd), Ian Mahinmi and Brendan Haywood (via the amnesty clause) into a multiyear deal for O.J. Mayo (a valuable regular-season player who's been atrocious in the playoffs) and one-year flyers on Darren Collison (I like that gamble — he's produced in the past as long as he's getting big minutes), Chris Kaman (another good gamble, even though he has missed 152 games since 2007) and Elton Brand (a cheap ninth man and a good locker room guy). That leaves them enough 2013 cap flexibility for a Dwight Howard run … you know, assuming he'd want to play with the "Dirk and a Bunch of Solid Dudes" roster they just assembled. Hold on, we're not done.

"Winter is coming."

If I were a Mavs fan, Jason Kidd's comment after picking the Knicks over the Mavericks would worry me: "I looked at the (Mavericks) roster and I felt I could go quietly and retire, or I felt like I can compete and help a team win. So I saw the pieces of the Knicks, and I thought that I could help them out." Translation: If I'm gonna keep playing, I want to be on a team with a chance to win the title. That's not Dallas. You could almost hear the sound of Dirk's second title window slamming shut. Hey, you know what would really suck? The Lakers rolling out a starting five of Howard, Dirk, LeBron, Kobe and Nash for the 2014-15 season. I'm moving overseas if this happens.

"You can't talk to me like that. The king can do as he likes!"

Yeah, like this one wasn't going to Mark Cuban?4

"The gods have no mercy. That's why they're gods."

This one's for the Bulls, who lost three valuable bench guys for financial reasons (Kyle Korver, Ronnie Brewer and Omer Asik), softened the blow for their fans by bringing back Kirk Hinrich (they love that dude), and now are crossing their fingers that Derrick Rose — who's reportedly "ahead of schedule," giving him something in common with every single NBA player who ever rehabbed a torn ACL (has anyone ever been "on schedule" or "a smidge behind schedule"?) — can return to form in time for the 2013 playoffs even though that's a two-year recovery and we learn this over and over and over again. What a bummer. Right now, there's a steep drop from Miami to the next five Eastern playoff contenders (Boston, Chicago, New York, Brooklyn and Indiana). It's just a fact.

"Look around you — we're all liars here, and every one of us is better than you."
"Those who have the most power have the least grace."

Two of Littlefinger's greatest quotes didn't work for this column (even giving them to James Dolan would have been a stretch), but had to be included just because. In a million years, did you ever think Mayor Carcetti from The Wire would be reincarnated as a calculating, horny whorehouse owner named "Littlefinger" in a raunchy, over-the-top medieval sci-fi drama … and totally crush that role? And if you haven't watched Thrones yet, how could you read the previous sentence and NOT want to jump in?

Another fun thing about Thrones — if you get hooked on the show with your significant other during a binge-watch,5 there's a fun stage where you start jokingly calling each other "my lord" and "my lady" and say things like, "What's wrong, my moon and my stars?" It's 100 percent stupid but strangely entertaining. Speaking of my wife, these were six of her actual quotes during the first episode. (I jotted them down as they happened — she thought I was texting.)

"That's how I want to go, I want to be beheaded. It's quick, you don't feel anything. When it's my time, behead me."

"That little boy's hairdo is a little too perfect for medieval times."

"I have to say, I really wish I lived in these times. I would have thrived. I would have enjoyed making things from scratch and being outside."

"One thing about living back then — I wouldn't have enjoyed the way they treated animals."

"Wow, she's fooled around before with the guy who protects the north!"
"This kid is going to fall, and then I'm going to be mad."

(I thought that summed up the first episode pretty well.)

"Would it be excessive of me to ask you to save my life twice in a week?"

You probably noticed that the amnesty clause wiped out a few more unseemly contracts this month, including Elton "Really, You're Amnesty-ing Me So You Have Enough Cap Space To Sign Nick Young And Kwame Brown???????" Brand ($18.1 million), Andray "Dan Steinberg Summed Me Up Perfectly" Blatche ($23 million), Darko "Kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahnnnnnn!" Milicic ($10.8 million), Josh "In Retrospect, I Probably Could Have Been Arrested For Stealing" Childress ($21 million), Chris "I Guess This Creepy Ongoing FBI Investigation Didn't Really Help My Cause" Andersen ($9.3 million), Luis "What The Hell? I'm Actually Good!" Scola ($30 million), Ryan "Really? You're That Cheap? I Barely Make Anything?" Gomes ($4 million), and Brendan "You Knew This Day Was Coming From the Moment You Signed Me" Haywood ($37 million). But here's what really concerns me …

As you know, I'm the self-proclaimed Picasso of the Trade Machine. Here's what Picasso needs: canvas and paint. That's it. By extinguishing many of the god-awful contracts that always ended up in my fake trades on the Trade Machine, you're depleting my paint resources and burning half of my canvases — especially when it's something as gorgeous as Elton Brand's Expiring Contract, which vanished as quickly as Rashard Lewis's Expiring Contract (after New Orleans bought him out). Just warning you: Picasso does NOT have a lot to work with this season. There's Corey Maggette's Expiring Contract, Jose Calderon's Expiring Contract, maybe Kevin Martin's Expiring Contract … and that's about it. This sucks. I hate the amnesty clause.

"I'm a monster, as well as a dwarf. You should charge me double."

True or false: Fifteen NBA teams jettisoned nearly $350 million worth of contracts since December with the amnesty clause.

(I'll wait. Mull it over.)

(Waiting.)

(Waiting.)

(Waiting.)

(And … time!)

That was 100 percent true. Check out Marc Stein's complete list. And you wonder why we had a lockout. My amnesty odds for next summer: Charlie Villanueva (-400), Metta World Peace (-300), Mike Miller (-200), Kendrick Perkins (even), Joel Anthony (even), John Salmons (even), Drew Gooden (+150), Tyrus Thomas (+200), Carlos Boozer (+250), Kobe Bryant (30 to 1), Paul Pierce (40 to 1).6 My advice: Parlay Villaneuva, Perkins and World Peace. Can't lose.

"A Lannister always pays his debts."7

To the Celtics for lavishing Jeff Green with a four-year, $32 million deal in what could only be considered a "thanks for not taking it personally last year when we dropped you right before you had heart surgery so we could save $18 million in salary plus tax money" gesture. If you think of Green's contract as a five-year, $32 million deal (including last season), it's a little more palatable. (Thinking.) You're right, it's probably not.

Putting that contract in the context of a bigger picture, it makes more sense — the Celtics extended their relevance for three years by bringing back their nucleus (Rondo, Pierce, Garnett, Bass and Bradley), flipping Allen for Terry (a smart move because Terry thrives off the bench), then adding Green, stealing Courtney Lee (a hijacking!) and adding two rookie bigs (Sullinger and Melo). (Hold on, I'm shifting to the "we" tense like I'm on the team.) We hosted Game 6 of the Eastern Conference finals, with a chance to go to the Finals, and it didn't happen because one of the best 12 or 13 players submitted one of the single most spectacular playoff performances in the history of the league. Why not run it back and see what happens? Besides, what was the alternative … "creating" cap space to make a run at a free agent who never would have actually signed with us? Come on. If you're close enough to sniff the trophy, you keep going for it. Period.

"He was no dragon. Fire cannot kill a dragon."8

For Jimmer Fredette, now the 19th-string point guard in Sacramento and someone who earned some scathing summer league tweets from ESPN.com's David Thorpe in Vegas, including this one: "When I first watched Brandon Jennings play, in Vegas, I thought his teammates must love playing alongside him. It is the opposite with Jimmer." Are we remaking One on One with Jimmer as Henry Steele right now and nobody told me? When are we getting to the part when a bruising football player beats Jimmer up so the Kings can get his scholarship back?

"War was easier than daughters."

One of my favorite quotes goes to my favorite remaining free agents, all of whom seem to be available at a discount right now:9 Anthony Tolliver (always, always, always liked him); Randy Foye (3-point shooting, played in some big games); Dominic McGuire (a shockingly good perimeter defender); Leandro Barbosa (if you're giving him away, absolutely); Carl Landry (ditto); Hamed Haddadi (like his energy, he could be a good backup center); Carlos Delfino (a better version of what Mickael Pietrus tried to do for Boston last spring); Shannon Brown (energy); and last but not least, Brian Cardinal (the premier NBA chemist on the market right now).

"I piss on Dothraki omens. I've waited 17 years to get my throne back."

To Danny Ferry, who became an immediate cult hero for dumping Marvin Williams (and his relatively offensive contract) and Joe Johnson (and his undeniably offensive contract) for expiring deals in a much-needed change of direction for Atlanta fans, who had felt nothing other than "lukewarm" about their Hawks for five solid years. Sadly, they don't have quite enough left for a legitimate Dwight Howard run — it's too bad Al Horford isn't 22 percent better at basketball or they'd be right there. But if any team needed to be thrown in the washing machine for a few minutes, it was the Atlanta Hawks.

The best thing going in Atlanta's favor: There's a historical precedent for a much-ballyhooed hire eventually bombing in Cleveland, then making the most of his second chance and winning titles. (See: Belichick, Bill.) The second-best thing going in Atlanta's favor: God hates Cleveland.

"They say I am half a man. But what does that make the lot of you? … Don't fight for your king. And don't fight for his kingdoms. Don't fight for honor, don't fight for glory. Don't fight for riches, because you won't get any. This is your city Stannis means to sack and your gate he's ramming. If he gets in, it will be your houses he burns, your gold he steals, your women he will rape. Those are brave men knocking at our door. Let's go kill them!"

Tyrion Lannister's greatest moment10 goes to Embattled Nets GM Billy King (his official name — he changed it and everything), who made an indefensible mistake (dealing a top-three protected pick for Portland's Gerald Wallace that ended up being no. 6), compounded that mistake (by paying Wallace $40 million over four years) … and, just when it seemed like Deron Williams was leaving, Dwight Howard wasn't coming and the city of Brooklyn was going to get overtaken by Stannis, Billy King remembered something.

"Hey, wait a second … I can spend more money than everyone else! My team is owned by a Russian billionaire! THOSE ARE BRAVE MEN KNOCKING AT OUR DOOR! LET'S GO KILL THEM!"

The rest was history. And guess what? I actually loved the Joe Johnson trade for the Nets! Was there a more brilliant chess move this summer? Yeah, he's overpaid to the point that it's almost startling. But what do the Nets care? Other than Wade and Kobe, he's the most reliable 2-guard in basketball. For this upcoming season, they flipped a bunch of forgettable expiring guys into Johnson — again, the third-most reliable 2-guard in basketball — which was a trade you'd make every week and twice on Sunday. For the three seasons after that, they're paying him a jaw-dropping and unequivocally ludicrous $69 million, nearly twice what he will actually be worth, but guess what? He'll still be a valuable piece for them. Besides, since when does Prokhorov care about wasting money? You think this guy is really sweating over an extra $30 million? If Brooklyn's front office said to him, "We had a chance to improve our team, but the money scared us off," now that would infuriate him.

And then there's this: The Johnson trade single-handedly convinced Deron Williams to spurn Dallas and stay in Brooklyn. (Williams even admitted as much.)

What's funny is that Williams (next five years: $100 million) might be almost as overpaid as Johnson (next four years: $89 million). Check out Williams's résumé without Jerry Sloan — in 67 New Jersey games for two lottery teams, Williams shot 39 percent from the field, 31 percent from 3, and broke all kinds of "bad body language" records (check out this January story). It's unclear if Williams will ever rekindle his efficient 2008 mojo, when he paced a half-decent Jazz squad to 54 wins, tossed up a 19-11 every night and finished with 51-80-40 shooting percentage splits. If the Nets are getting 2008 Deron, or even 2010 Deron (19-11, 47-37-80 splits), that's $100 million well spent. 2012 Deron? Not as much … but considering they needed "names" to open up that Brooklyn arena, they don't care. The Deron/Joe backcourt is better than "Um, can we get a mulligan for one year until we get Dwight?"

Last question: How much praise can Billy King really get for winning one of the most reckless front-office gambles in league history? Let's say I drove to Vegas and put every dollar in my savings account AND the mortgage of my house on "black" in roulette … and I won. Would you say, "Great work, you did it"? Or would you say, "Why the hell did you do that?" In King's case, you might say both. The phrase "all in" has become the most overused phrase in basketball, but seriously, nobody was ever more "all in" than Billy King this summer. And it sort of worked out. Of course …

"You know nothing, Jon Snow."

King did guarantee $61 million to Brook Lopez, a 7-footer who averaged 6.0 rebounds per game — no, really, SIX — during the 2010-11 season, then broke the same foot twice last season. That didn't stop Billy from guaranteeing Lopez a million more than the Saints guaranteed Drew Brees. Throw in the comical Kris Humphries extension (two years, $24 million) and Brooklyn is paying close to $73 million for a 2012-13 starting five that might not be able to defend anyone. Will anyone ever pay more for a less charismatic nucleus? None of them have nicknames, YouTube mixes, distinguishable quirks about their game … it's just five quiet, hardworking professionals who play hard and don't stand out in any real way. (Except for Humphries, who gets booed in opposing arenas because of his allegedly realistic performance on one of the most hideously staged reality-TV shows ever made.)11 Of course, winning solves everything … and if the Nets are winning, charisma won't matter. Stay tuned.

"Tell Lord Tywin winter is coming for him. Twenty thousand northerners marching south to find out if he really does **** gold."

One more time … $61 million for Brook Lopez! Why did we have a lockout again? I wouldn't have paid $61 million over four years for both Lopez brothers — not even if you threw in Mario Lopez and George Lopez.

"You're blessed with abilities that few men possess. You're blessed to belong to the most powerful family in the kingdoms. And you're still blessed with youth. And what have you done with these blessings, eh? You served as a glorified bodyguard for two kings … one a madman, the other a drunk."

For Dwight Howard, who screwed everything up for himself about 20 times more than LeBron ever did in 2010. Would you trust Dwight Howard to order you an omelette at this point? What's funny is that everything is going to work out — he'll end up on the Lakers, the fans will embrace him, he'll realize that it's pretty fun to live anonymously near the water in 80-degree weather in a big city full of other wealthy celebrities, and by December, he'll be saying, "Sign me for five years, please" and leading them on yet another run of Finals appearances. I'm already pissed off about it.12

You know what's really annoying? As currently constructed, the Lakers can't win the title because they're too old and plodding (just like last year), and because their perimeter guys are going to get slaughtered defensively. Howard would make the Lakers infinitely more athletic, protect the paint and cover up for Nash and Kobe every time their guys beat them off the dribble. Even better, he doesn't even need the ball! Seriously, you couldn't CGI a basketball player who makes more sense as a teammate for Nash, Kobe, Artest and Gasol than Dwight Howard does. And he's falling out of the sky for them. God, I hate the Lakers.

"When they write the history of my reign, sweet sister, they will say it began today."

Let's see, Miami wins the NBA title, LeBron breaks through and hits a level that we haven't seen in two decades, we were all probably screwed, anyway … and then Ray Allen falls into their laps at a 50 percent discount? Good God almighty. We … are … screwed. Remember the days when this clip was funny?

(Shaking my head. Not once … not twice … not three times … )

"I am not questioning your honor, I am denying its existence."

Great quote. Tyrion Lannister at his finest. Anyway, that's how more than a few Celtics fans felt about Allen after he handed over his "Big Three" spot to Rajon Rondo and jumped ship for half of what Boston was offering. The ensuing vitriol was a mortal lock: There isn't a more provincial, irrational sports city than Boston for that specific type of scenario. Meanwhile, there was never any doubt that Ray was leaving — after they nearly traded him in March to two different teams that backed out at the last minute (Memphis and Chicago), then compounded the insult by giving Avery Bradley his starting job in April AND splurging for Jason Terry right when free agency started, Ray was packing his bags and that was that. I would have wagered anything.

You wouldn't have stayed, either. Loyalty is a two-way street. Ray Allen played 16 years and earned an estimated $178 million already — you think he cares that Boston offered twice as much as Miami? He gets to live in South Beach, play 20 minutes a game, shoot wide-open 3s and — oh — play with the best basketball player in 20 years. By the time it's over, the "Who was better, Reggie Miller or Ray Allen?" question will no longer be asked. We'll remember Ray Allen as the greatest long-range shooter ever. That's all he cares about — that and being happy/respected/appreciated. He's in it for himself, the same way Danny Ainge was in it for himself when he frantically tried to deal Ray last March.

I made this point before — I will make it again. These guys don't care about rivalries. Only we do. We want to believe players care about things like "We hate Miami, we have to beat those guys!" … but they only care about that stuff in the moment. Fan bases, not players, keep rivalries going. Ray jumped to Miami because it was the best move for him. Nash jumped to the Lakers because it was the best move for him. That's sports, that's the way it's always been, that's the way it will always be. Ray helped win the 2008 title, played all 48 minutes in one of the best Celtics comebacks ever (Game 4 of the Finals), crossed over Vujacic on the defining play AND made that annoying b*stard practically cry!!! His 2009 performance against the Bulls was one for the ages. I still think we would win the title in 2010 if Ron Artest didn't give him a charley horse in Game 3. He played in real pain this spring and gave everything he had for three straight playoff series. He was a true Celtic. Sticking him on Miami only makes that already-juicy rivalry more entertaining, especially now that everyone knows about the ongoing bitterness between him and Rondo (a little overblown, but still).

One more Ray thought …

"It's the family name that lives on. That's all that lives on. Not your personal glory, not your honor, but family."

As a fan, there was nothing like the experience of coming off a timeout right before a make-or-break offensive play, knowing Ray was coming off a double screen in a big moment — not just the artistry of it (how he had practiced his footwork and release for hundreds of thousands of hours, to the point that it was just as mechanical as breathing for him), not just the degree of difficulty (since the opponent always knew the same play was coming), but the undeniable feeling that you always thought the shot was going in. Following Boston sports for nearly four decades, I can't remember being more confident in anything than Ray Allen with the game in his hands. I don't know if he's that same player anymore, and I wonder if he'll thrive coming off the bench in limited minutes; that's why I didn't mind flipping him into Terry and Courtney Lee. Just know that I enjoyed the Ray Allen era. Better than advertised. And we'll always have 2008.
Click to expand...

AFS · Jul 20, 2012

Long article but definitely worth the read. It reads better through the link than it does in the quoted text above.

jsonic6 · Jul 20, 2012

Was reading it earlier today. Well written. Love Simmons... No homo...

CantBeRight · Jul 20, 2012

I read it until I saw the name Ray Allen.

varuscelli · Jul 20, 2012

I'd like to be able to ask for the Articles on Tape version.

Juxtaposed Jolt · Jul 21, 2012

Not sure why the OP posted the link and then proceeded to post the whole article.

AFS · Jul 21, 2012

Juxtaposed Jolt said: ↑

Not sure why the OP posted the link and then proceeded to post the whole article.
Click to expand...

Clutch's sticky at the top of the Dish says to post the sources. Also, half the people here won't click the link and will only read the article if it's posted through the forum.

conquistador#11 · Jul 21, 2012

if maury was desperate, to the point of holding up a boom box and playing in your eyes, the deal would have already gotten done. Bad Cusack movie to compare it to. You want a cusack movie, how a bout "The sure thing" Because
Everyone, with the exception of the national media and some local idiots, knows that the rockets have the best package to offer.

dachuda86 · Jul 21, 2012

article lost my interest about half way through and I love both games and nba...

OremLK · Jul 21, 2012

Good article. I don't really agree that Dwight has fallen in their laps though. I actually think it's kind of funny how all the LAL fans are SO CONVINCED Dwight is a done deal to the Lakers. It's going to be so wonderful when the Rockets trade for him directly, and all LA has to look forward to is... two years of... contending for a title with Kobe and Nash... damnit.

Well, it will still be fun to steal Dwight from them.

samylee1978 · Jul 21, 2012

does this come in audio....

Fullcourt · Jul 21, 2012

Expected Linter is coming. Leaving disappointed.

ch0c0b0fr34k · Jul 21, 2012

You should highlight the Rockets mentions.

B-Bob · Jul 22, 2012

loved the Cuban part:

"Normally I'd have more barbs here … but I actually enjoy Shark Tank. I fully support Cuban's decision to throw away Dallas's 2012 title defense to create enough cap space to potentially sign a marquee free agent like Williams, then to miss THE crucial pitch meeting with Williams because he was contractually obligated to tape a reality-TV show. I care more about Shark Tank than the fate of the Mavericks."

:grin:
I don't even know what Shark Tank is, but I agree with this statement.

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B-Bob "94-year-old self-described dreamer"

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