Constipated (with apologies go Avril Lavigne)

OK, I know that Avril Lavigne is no Bon Jovi, but I couldn't pass this one up. Too bad I didn't get the inspiration while sitting on the toilet...

Constipated

I’m here on white commode
Trying so hard to drop my load
And if I could only take a dump
Break my slump
I can’t go in night or day
Maybe I should eat some hay
And I’m sitting here and I don’t know why I can’t go

To the bathroom, yes to the bathroom
Watching the wall, too bad that is all
I try to go but it happens so slow for me
Tell me

Why do I always have to be so constipated?
I see the way my crap, it just ain’t coming out, it gets me frustrated
Life’s like this, I
And I groan and I moan and there’s pain
When I strain and I feel that I just never will defecate
And I just hate that I have to go get some ex-lax
No no no

I keep pacing to and fro
Hoping this is when I go
Drinking water helps but I just pee
It’s making me
Scream out on the toilet seat
I should eat a lot more wheat
I need more fiber in my diet
I should try it

Give me some greens, and I need some beans
Time for some bran, a nice hot muffin
I try to go but it happens so slow for me
Tell me

Why do I always have to be so constipated?
I see the way my crap, it just ain’t coming out, it gets me frustrated
Life’s like this, I
And I groan and I moan and there’s pain
When I strain and I feel that I just never will defecate
And I just hate that I have to go get some ex-lax
No no no

Hold on, maybe this is it
If not, I’ll have to throw a fit
After all this work my ass is numb
Here it comes

Look at it go, I’m watching it flow
The splash I hear, music to my ears
That was really tough, so why was it rough for me
Tell me

(Repeat Chorus until you clog up the septic system)