Dominion files $1.6 billion defamation lawsuit against Fox News

In a parody column published on April 20, Washington Post opinion writer Alexandra Petri portrays a Fox News exec who is sending a post-settlement internal memo out to company employees. And her column is as humorous as it is scathing.

After our settlement with Dominion Voting Systems, although we here at Fox News and Fox Corp. are sad to see those 787.5 million dollars go — those were some of our favorite dollars! — we are holding up our heads with pride!" Petri writes. "Yes, the Dominion lawsuit revealed some ugly truths about how we do business, but not to our viewers! And that’s the important thing! No matter what, we do not have to apologize on-air for any of our outright lies about the outcome of the 2020 presidential election!"

Petri continues, "Still, we have decided to make some changes around here. Stop lying to our viewers? No! As those Dominion court filings revealed, that is our business model, and we happily paid a fee to continue doing just that! But we will be instituting a few reforms at this news-ish network."

The columnist goes on to explain what those "changes" are.

"We will be instituting a test for potential anchors where we ask them to read a series of increasingly outrageous statements," Petri says. "If applicants wince or appear to experience cognitive dissonance, we will send them packing. It's no longer good enough to lie to viewers; you need to not know you're doing it!"

Petri also has some laughs at the expense of Fox News' far-right viewers.

The columnist writes, "That $787 million is not chicken feed; have you ever tried feeding a dollar bill to a chicken?.... The last thing we can afford to do now is alienate our viewers! So, we have to figure out what it is our viewers like to hear and tell them more of whatever that is!"

Petri continues, "By implementing these simple policies, we can ensure that Fox continues successfully impersonating a news network for decades to come — or until the end of the republic, whichever comes first! Thank you for your cooperation! Please eat this message."
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What’s sad about this situation is that we’re still going to see people citing Tucker Carlson and other Fox talking heads as authority figures. We’re going to see it here even though they will have know that Carlson at al. Have been lying to them.

 

Needs! more!!! exclamation! points!!! to! remind!!! us! we're~excited!!!

 

none of these would be good for the mindless drones

 

Dam Sean.....those are good things, but alas, the trump regime couldn't get it done so it MUST be a bad idea

 

Have the shareholders finally had enough, or did this settlement come with more than just a payout?

 

The aftermath

 

Who's replacing TC? TG?

 

The Smartmatic lawsuit is starting to heat up...

 

I guess Old Dominion is now adding $$$ from newsmax...

 

Your honor, duh DEEP STATE gremlins took it. Also muh dog ate muh legal briefs so I'm all commando liek.