Things That Annoy You

Once these scumbags have your address it's just non-stop mail every other day with this bullshit. No one at my house has ever had Medicaid or Medicare quit sending this junk to me.

 

This post needs more Tom Sellek

 

Citing 'Christmastime' as some finite universal date range when it's different for everyone. I've seen it twice in the past week, one of those times in a professional setting.

 

All I wanted was something waterish for my short drive...so they hand me a Topo Chico, which I assume is totally ok...5 minutes down the road I open it, take a swig, and realize: it's an alcoholic Topo Chico selzer with pineapple flavor.

Not only was it not what I expected, it was also just about the nastiest tasting beverage I've ever tasted...so I spit it out the window and poured the rest out, stopped the truck, and found a renegade bottle of water that had been under the back seat for a month or so, and proceeded home.

 

I grabbed a Pimms Lemonade once in a Tesco in the UK and was oblivious as to why I had a hard time ringing it up in the self checkout or why the clerk gave me a dirty look when she came to help. I get back to the hotel, open it, take a sip and run to the bathroom to spit it out. Look closer and realize there's a very small ampersand, Pimms & Lemonade.

Guess I should have realized it was alcoholic because it was in a can but going from expecting sweet lemonade to getting a giant mouthful of whatever that was was not great.

 

The kid in the AutoZone ad who asks “are you sure it’s free?” That kid should be grounded immediately

 

Why's he so ****ing special? My birthday's right there too, and nobody's closing stores and s!!t on my account.

Sure "Jesus" does it, but when I try to wash a hooker's feet before she eats I'm told not to come back to Bubba Gumps

 

Do they know it’s Christmastime at all?

 

I was running a road race in 2008 and was handed a Monster Energy Drink. I didn’t know what it was and thought it was just like Gatorade. I slammed it and too late realized it was carbonated. Running and carbonation don’t mix and I puked it up.

This was about mile 4 of a 7 mile run but still finished the run.

 

When an orange doesn’t taste like an orange despite how pleasing it looked going in.

 

People who don’t turn their hearing aids up.

 

Huh?

 

I think he said "people who wont burn their God-fearing maids up"?

Seems mean.

 

I see you want to discuss Au Pairs.

 

I want to punch the Old Trapper Jerky guy in his jejunum.