Please Advice Please

Lord people like this exist? I couldn't wait to get my driver's permit fresh at 15 years old. Driving a car was a big deal.

Some people are fine with the bare minimum I suppose

 

I agree with those who say, "Don't do it!" It's very likely to end badly. Your house won't be your own. It'll hurt your marriage. It'll cost you money. After all that, and much more you won't like, you'll have to tell him to go, and you know what? He's very likely to be pissed about it and not even give you a thank you. That will be your "reward." Send him a "good luck" card with a hundred dollar bill inside and a message. "Good luck!" You'll get off cheap.

 

...I should also add that this should be documented in writing to make sure all parties understand... and I STILL think it's a bad idea.

 

I don't think this is just a millennial thing. I mean, look at the movie office space for reference. That desire to do nothing, it spans multiple age groups. I think the only difference is, in this era, the idea that you could settle down and work the same job for 30 years (even if it's a **** job) is dead. This economy has turned us into sharks for survival, always keep moving, always stay hungry or someone else will eat your food. It's no longer sit and wait for my pension crap.

 

Well said. But the drive to succeed isn't as prevalent in the 2K gen. Of course, Baby Boomers probably said that about Gen X, Golden Gen about Baby Boomers, and so on.

 

Pay him to stay away —> Loan him some cash that you will never see again then your wife sleeps well knowing y’all tried to help and you keep your quiet little family. If he pays it back then you may have someone to mentor and help. It will be money well spent —> know the loss of cash is a lot easier to deal with then him eating Cheetos on the couch. Think of it as a donation to a happier life. Then if ask for something else just say it didn’t work last time. It’s all on him and you save face with family.

Pay for a class or two at his local community college that will keep him there and you a hero. Get him in a good routine and around other people looking to better themselves. He can look into Financial Aid on his own while he’s there to finish if he chooses.

 

I don't think the current youths have any less sense of ambition. I'm part of that millennial generation but I truly believe that the competition has become much more intense for all sorts of advanced and menial jobs. Everyone has a bachelor's nowadays so those are basically meaningless. Half the people I know have Masters and those are becoming diluted as the in thing is graduate level STEM degrees. When 500 people apply for a non paid internship you know the job environment is very intense.

You also have foreign labor coming in who have even more extreme levels of work ethic and those guys will eat an American's lunch 9/10 times when it comes to hustle.

I don't think other generations had this level of competition. The level of people wanting to succeed generally remains the same throughout time. It is just the competition has permanently changed whether that yearning to succeed actually bears fruit.

 

So work harder. No one gets promoted for just doing their job. This isn't directed at you, just that mentality.

 

Well said, and let me say that I haven't met a Millennial that I didn't like. I'm at an age where I don't 'see' age when I meet people on a personal level. I just get along with them.

I think the crux of this thread, as you said, work ethic, is the result of a super successful country. We want the best for our kids; we do well and give them everything. Then they aren't hungry because they're full. My 12-year-old son has never wanted for anything. As a result, he doesn't care about money, at all. Part of this is personality, as he's a sweet kid who has always held the door open until the last person goes through, but part of it is because he hasn't scratched the ground for crumbs. And immigrants do mostly work their asses off because they have scratched the ground for something to eat.

 

You know if we get rid of immigrants and foreign competition, we can make America easy again and maybe get back fat pensions.

I think those millennials think they're too good for that.

 

He's done something to piss off his parents tied to habits or appetites that you will have to deal with once all of his bills and government correspondence start coming to your address. He will also have the ability to look up credit card and social security numbers when you are both absent or distracted. You need to circle back with him and explain that with the kid it's a no go, that with all your future expenses, his parents are probably in a better position to help and he should figure out his issues with them. Right now the kid feels entitled to a certain level of luxury and convenience that he's not willing to put any effort into getting or retaining himself. What the hell is he doing on afternoons, evenings and weekends if not taking classes or researching careers? He has all the time and energy in the world and none of it seems trained on any particular educational or professional interests, once he's officially of legal drinking age you don't want to have to cope with how he handles stress or depression.

 

Kick his ass. As an older brother that's your responsibility.

 

Not sure if I’m a millennial or not but I don’t think this is specific to them. There are times I want to jettison baby boomers and their inefficient systems and businesses into the sun.

One of my favorite quotes was from Batman Begins when it comes to these people. “People need dramatic examples to shake them out of apathy.”

 

Not saying you should do it or not, but sometimes a change of scenery can do a person a lot of good.

The best advice I can give is talk it over with your wife and be completely honest about the way you feel.

 

Have been in this situation. As a caretaker I’ve takin in sibilings, given out jobs. It’s worked out. Good luck.

 

I wouldn't assume that you son, who sounds like a great kid, won't be driven to succeed when he's older. Our two kids wanted for nothing, had their college education paid for, yet found that spark within them to be successful, something I suspect most parents wonder about as they grow up. Will they have ambition? Will they be driven to succeed, in school and after? We did little things as they were growing up to encourage them, which I hope had something to do with it, but it can be hard to tell the difference between what comes from within your kids, and what you helped to nurture. Heck, maybe we were just lucky.

 

Agree that this is possible. Both my sister and I are in 30s and doing pretty well, and we grew up comfortable in middle class.

I have a 3 y/o (and might have a second daughter in a couple hours) and I spend a lot of time thinking about how to best set them up. I'm unsure.

I have lifelong friends/neighbors who came from same background with a good family and they are not doing well. The difference, in my opinion, is when we kinda went our separate ways in high school years. So looking at it as a parent now, the idea that my kids' friends can have a greater influence on their young-adult life than myself and the Mrs is worrying. You can do your best to help them gain self confidence and try to tell/show them how to make the right kind of friends, but there is no guarantee.

When thinking about it this makes me think that it's kinda a coin toss. Parents of 30 year olds who aren't doing much could have done all the things that my parents did, and yet it didn't work out (yet). I think this could lead to those parents who got lucky to get a sort of "Survivor Bias".

(I don't have any answers here and I'm just throwing ideas out... these are just the thoughts that go through my head sometimes)

On a similar but unrelated note, I've noticed an attitude of some folk around my age that they just don't want to do anything until they figure out what they want their career to be, or until they get everything lined up so they can start that career. That is bizarre to me. I only just recently figured out what I want to do for the rest of my working life, but I went to school and took a good (but unfun and difficult) job that paid all my bills while I figured everything out for 7+ years.

My point is: IMO, if you are young and don't know what you want to do for the rest of life, that's ok. In the meantime, get education/experience that will help you financially. Then, when you know what it is that you want to do, you can transition into that with some cash and assets to your name. (However a critical person could point out like I did above that I probably had some luck [I did] and now I have my own Survivor Bias that makes me think My Way Is The Right Way.) Sooooo... who knows

 

Trading for Ryan Anderson again would be a better idea than letting him move in with you.

This has disaster written all over it.