[Romanian Cinema] Seagal's Contract to Kill

Just in time for the holidays, it's a new Seagal film that will actually make it to the American screen, and with a title that seems computer-generated by a 1980's teenager's TRS 80 program to generate action movie titles. Maybe I should have marked this thread Guilty Pleasure Cinema.

AV Club's Awesome Review

Seagal, in his triangular Bela-Lugosi-in-Dracula toupee and his clothes picked straight from a big-and-tall outlet store and his orange prescription Oakleys, walks stiffly and very slowly.
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There is a love scene—and, Jesus, what a love scene. His fully dressed body is lowered over a naked woman like a drawbridge. He doesn’t take off his glasses.
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The Turkish and Mexican locals are played by Romanians, and it’s truly something to see a thin, pasty guy who looks like he was just let go of his cashier position at Mega Image yell, “Move it, gringo!” or “Hey, ese!” at an American sort-of star with a printer-cartridge dye job.
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There is an excruciatingly long early scene in which Harmon is menaced by a remote-controlled drone with a plastic assault rifle glued to the bottom. The effects can’t really be called effects.
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It is not sincere Ed Wood-ian incompetence that makes a movie like Contract To Kill, but a complete absence of any traits apart from ego. There are scenes that exist solely so Harmon can share his deep thoughts on geopolitics to an audience of thoughtfully nodding characters. (Of Puerto Rico, he says, “They have a situation. It’s kind of very distinct.”) Seagal looks awful, sounds terrible, and regularly appears to be winded.
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Seagal for NEA director, anyone? (He has a strong connection to, well, you know who...)